AI is the fertility friend we didn't know we needed
It’s free, readily available - and anyone can use it.
Morning readers!
Sorry we didn’t send this yesterday — the Easter weekend ended up running away with us. But! We’ve got a treat: Sarah, from the Substack Solo Fertility In Your 40s, posted last week about how she was using AI as her fertility PA. It inspired us! So we asked her to write a guest post for us.
Do sign up to her Substack — you can do it by clicking the button below — or follow her on Instagram at @solofertility40s.
I’ll see paid subscribers on Friday, when I will be giving you a list of 100 — yep, one hundred — questions you should be asking your clinic.
Enjoy this!
Emma xxx
It’s 2am. I’m wide-eyed, restless, and stuck on repeat.
My mind is whirring through the what-ifs: the eggs that might be retrieved, whether to try genetic testing again, how many more IVF cycles I can attempt with my own eggs—especially with my 44th birthday looming fast.
And then there's the sting of that feedback from the doctor. The way he casually suggested: “just use donor eggs”, like he was commenting on the weather.
The big decisions feel relentless. And when you're navigating this solo like I am, there’s often no one to talk things through with, exactly when you need it most.
Maybe you know those late-night loops, too: the deep breathing exercises don’t cut it. The lavender essential oil is momentarily pleasing. Netflix doesn’t stop the spirals.
Sometimes I need perspective right now — a reframe, a little emotional grounding, a sense of something solid beneath me.
Enter AI.
How AI became my quiet companion
In 2024, I did two IVF cycles with my own eggs and donor sperm — one in Spain, then Greece. I was overwhelmed, not just by logistics and hormones, but by grief. The first cycle ended with three aneuploid (chromosomally abnormal) embryos.
I was devastated.
I realised there was so much about IVF that I didn’t understand. I went into the process very naive. I trusted the medical team without question. Big mistake.
Then I had a thought. I use ChatGPT for my professional work. Surely it could help me with my solo path to motherhood, too?
So I started experimenting, using AI as a research tool. (I’ve generally avoided the temptation of self-diagnosis by Dr Google. I wasn’t about to let AI replace proper medical advice).
For digesting the basics, it has become a surprisingly helpful ally. It quietly and speedily pools data from the internet. I can ask whatever I want, as many times as I need. It never gets annoyed!
Here’s what it’s helped me with:
Providing a flavour of the range of fertility supplements
Mapping food groups via Mediterranean meal plans
Understanding possible add-ons to investigate (such as Low-Dose Naltrexone to reduce inflammation and potential damage to my older, fragile eggs)
Identifying recent studies on ovarian aging
And best of all? It’s available at 2am. It’s free. And it’s not offended by my messiness.
Emotional support, too?
It’s helped me in other ways, too. As I began to prepare for my third IVF cycle, I wondered: could AI offer not just facts, but a little emotional steadiness?
Could it become a sort of helper for those in-between moments — the late nights, the quiet panics before a scan, the long waits, the uncertainty around major decisions?
I began asking for feedback and was pleasantly surprised at how useful the responses were. This encouraged me to use it more, asking for everything from mantras to emotional support.
“Can you give me a calming mantra to help me manage morning anxiety?”
“Summarise why a 43-year-old woman might (or might not) test embryos using PGT-A.”
“I feel overwhelmed. Give me three gentle ways to move forward, considering I’ve already done two failed IVF cycles and feel exhausted.”
“My nutritionist has advised me to target 1g of protein per kilo of my weight. Give me a meal plan for tomorrow — I’m bored of my usual cooking. I’m vegetarian but like fish and hate mushrooms.”
“Please can you create a table to track the consultations I’m having with different fertility clinics. There is so much information to compare and consider.”
How to use AI
You can download ChatGPT for free.
Once you’ve set up an account, copy and paste the following information (editing as relevant):
“You are a fertility support professional. I’m having fertility treatment and I need your guidance.”
Your context: “I’m a 43-year-old solo woman living between India and the UK. I’ve done two unsuccessful IVF cycles, in Spain and Greece.”
How you feel: “I’m anxious about my next cycle. Emotionally drained. Worried about the costs.”
What you need: “Help me focus my mindset. I feel despondent and a little negative about a positive outcome from this IVF cycle. Be gentle. I still feel traumatised by the IVF I’ve already done”.
The rules: ”Do not pretend to be human. I want reasoned responses in plain English with no cliched wellness speak. Never provide medical advice.”
Format for responses: “Use bullet points and bold headers for ease of reading.”
You might be surprised how helpful it can be.
My inner geek revealed
I come from a family of software engineers. I was coding on BBC computers at age 9 and dabbled in programming during my University BSc degree.
I’ve now worked with AI professionally for a couple of years. I’ve experimented with several AI models:
DeepSeek-R1: I really want to like this platform but it’s not quite there yet. It stalled on simple requests with “server busy” messages.
ChatGPT: I’ve used this one most extensively. It’s attracted a lot of column inches thanks to its charismatic CEO and initial ownership of the AI industry.
Google Gemini: Installed on my Android mobile device. I’m starting to use this more. But frustrated about getting tied to yet another Google product!
NotebookLM: Underpinned by Gemini, I uploaded articles about travel around Vietnam. It scanned the articles and created a podcast answering my queries about affordability, climate and safety. Impressive, and I’ve only scratched the surface.
Claude.ai: Starting to experiment with it. I like that its stated goal is to develop AI systems that are "helpful, harmless, and honest," prioritising safety and ethics.
But words are my code. That’s where I find healing, expression, connection. And that’s also why I’m so aware of what AI can’t do.
Still, there’s a place for AI.
I built my own Digital Fertility Helper
After weeks of interacting with AI to ease my fertility fog, I decided to design a version that spoke to me — clearly, kindly, no cheesy wellness quotes, no “holding space”.
I built a CustomGPT called the Digital Fertility Helper (DFH).
Specifically, I wanted it to personalise its responses, and respond directly to my needs, my fertility experiences and my current challenges.
The DFH understands:
It isn’t human and shouldn’t pretend to be.
My mood and mindset is challenging. I am often seeking reasoned reassurance.
It must never give unsolicited advice, or comment on medical matters.
It gives me the clarity to keep going. It reminds me to keep my eyes on the prize. It quickly finds information to calm my nerves. It launches soon to paid subscribers of Solo Fertility 40s.
Join for free to get notified when the paid version launches, together with a free 5 day course to help you get the most from it. Plus other subscriber benefits.
In the meantime, may you find whatever tools help you keep moving through this path — one late night at a time. Maybe nothing soothes the 2am thoughts completely.
But this little helper?
It brings a moment of calm when I need it.
Sarah x
Sarah is the founder of the Substack Solo Fertility in Your 40s. Subscribe by hitting the button below.
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